Shit storm
Jan. 11th, 2012 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tamara_russoI'm debating whether to use my "What am I supposed to do" icon, which says something about the going-ons of this week.
And I don't even know why.
This feeling completely out of place, this feeling I don't belong here, the trouble with the commute, not really wanting to do anything when I come home - all are bad. I keep trying to convince myself I need time, and my boss has been sick and unavailable for anything more than "do this" and no more.
All my former jobs were different - I felt right at home (or at least, not like I was stuck in a place I don't belong whatsoever), and this feeling is doing something bad to my body as well as spirits.
There's pain - my chair is crap, and some of the job is outdoor detail in a greasy and rusty environment, with winds that mean I have to wear something warm and also something I don't care for it to get dirty.
All of it comes down to the fact that I'm down. This morning it took me 30 minutes to get from the train station to work (a five minutes tops drive) because of a car accident, which means I'll only be able to leave here at 17:40 - and catch the 18:00 train back, again.
I was so excited for this job, for the love of the universe, what the fuck?
And I don't even know why.
This feeling completely out of place, this feeling I don't belong here, the trouble with the commute, not really wanting to do anything when I come home - all are bad. I keep trying to convince myself I need time, and my boss has been sick and unavailable for anything more than "do this" and no more.
All my former jobs were different - I felt right at home (or at least, not like I was stuck in a place I don't belong whatsoever), and this feeling is doing something bad to my body as well as spirits.
There's pain - my chair is crap, and some of the job is outdoor detail in a greasy and rusty environment, with winds that mean I have to wear something warm and also something I don't care for it to get dirty.
All of it comes down to the fact that I'm down. This morning it took me 30 minutes to get from the train station to work (a five minutes tops drive) because of a car accident, which means I'll only be able to leave here at 17:40 - and catch the 18:00 train back, again.
I was so excited for this job, for the love of the universe, what the fuck?
