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tamara_russoSo I've been writing this post in my head for a day now, and I think now it may come out the way I want it to.
Monday morning I had a meeting with my project instructor, and since I had the car I figured I'd drop by to see Hagar and give her the books Hadas passed through me. Foolishly, I thought I'd only be staying about an hour or so.
Yeah, right.
so after we talked a bit and I had lunch we went for the Tarot cards, and she opened the Tree of Life for me.
Boy, was that a sight. Swords all over the place, with a touch of pentacles, when I usually get cups and Large Arcana. I only got one LA card, and the rest...
Charred ground. Out of everything that went on between us when we analyzed it (and we did it much more thoroughly than most of the times), that was the biggest thing. That and the choice to move on.
I don't know how long we spent on that reading. It felt longer than it was, probably, and she pushed me like she doesn't normally (and for that I owe her a big fat thanks, but she already knows that), and things got clearer, lighter. It hurt, but I came out cleaner.
And so I'm going to start talking about the last few years, because it doesn't matter if it were the Efrat situation which triggered this mess I've been trying to maintain for the past four years, or if it was the Mel-Hagar thing, or the Oren thing, I need to get over this.
I've been saying to myself for some time now that I had a major change in me when I was 22-24. Well, maybe that's not over yet. Maybe I just thought it was over and I need to start looking at myself from another's point of view and try to understand what needs more to be done.
That reading is the reason I'm posting this, but it's also, and more importantly, the reason I can
Saying I feel better seems to small a thing to say when I feel like this. I'm not there yet, but I can see the clearing of the trees from here. That's a good feeling.
Monday morning I had a meeting with my project instructor, and since I had the car I figured I'd drop by to see Hagar and give her the books Hadas passed through me. Foolishly, I thought I'd only be staying about an hour or so.
Yeah, right.
so after we talked a bit and I had lunch we went for the Tarot cards, and she opened the Tree of Life for me.
Boy, was that a sight. Swords all over the place, with a touch of pentacles, when I usually get cups and Large Arcana. I only got one LA card, and the rest...
Charred ground. Out of everything that went on between us when we analyzed it (and we did it much more thoroughly than most of the times), that was the biggest thing. That and the choice to move on.
I don't know how long we spent on that reading. It felt longer than it was, probably, and she pushed me like she doesn't normally (and for that I owe her a big fat thanks, but she already knows that), and things got clearer, lighter. It hurt, but I came out cleaner.
And so I'm going to start talking about the last few years, because it doesn't matter if it were the Efrat situation which triggered this mess I've been trying to maintain for the past four years, or if it was the Mel-Hagar thing, or the Oren thing, I need to get over this.
I've been saying to myself for some time now that I had a major change in me when I was 22-24. Well, maybe that's not over yet. Maybe I just thought it was over and I need to start looking at myself from another's point of view and try to understand what needs more to be done.
That reading is the reason I'm posting this, but it's also, and more importantly, the reason I can
Saying I feel better seems to small a thing to say when I feel like this. I'm not there yet, but I can see the clearing of the trees from here. That's a good feeling.
