The pain of being alone
Dec. 19th, 2007 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tamara_russoI'm not just talking about being home alone without my paretns, I'm talking about my love life (non existing).
It's the fact my sister is happily married and I have to watch her and her husband be the cutest couple ever.
It's going out with them sometimes, not to mention Friday last, which had me go with them to a meeting with my sister's friends (and husbands/boyfriends). I said nothing at the time, and I had a nice time, but being the single... Well, Single girl in a party isn't very nice. I had Bridget Jones's words in my head (when asked why there are so many single girls out there she said "I guess having scales underneath our clothes doesn't help!").
I hate being alone.
The problem is, I have no sight of it ever changing (although my optimist side says "could be"), and I've already began to get used to life alone, and to shut down these systems I think I won't ever need, and that's pretty bad if I do find someone.
And I hate it when people say to me that I'm lucky - I never knew that feeling of infatuation and so I haven't been burned, so it's easier for me. All I can say to that is Fucking Bullshit. Just because I'm not experianced doesn't mean my pain or hollowness is unreal.
I can live alone, I know I can, but there are times I just cringe so much to this reality. I mean, if I've had a SO he/she would probably come to stay this whole week, and how different I would have felt then?
It's the fact my sister is happily married and I have to watch her and her husband be the cutest couple ever.
It's going out with them sometimes, not to mention Friday last, which had me go with them to a meeting with my sister's friends (and husbands/boyfriends). I said nothing at the time, and I had a nice time, but being the single... Well, Single girl in a party isn't very nice. I had Bridget Jones's words in my head (when asked why there are so many single girls out there she said "I guess having scales underneath our clothes doesn't help!").
I hate being alone.
The problem is, I have no sight of it ever changing (although my optimist side says "could be"), and I've already began to get used to life alone, and to shut down these systems I think I won't ever need, and that's pretty bad if I do find someone.
And I hate it when people say to me that I'm lucky - I never knew that feeling of infatuation and so I haven't been burned, so it's easier for me. All I can say to that is Fucking Bullshit. Just because I'm not experianced doesn't mean my pain or hollowness is unreal.
I can live alone, I know I can, but there are times I just cringe so much to this reality. I mean, if I've had a SO he/she would probably come to stay this whole week, and how different I would have felt then?
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-19 01:12 pm (UTC)I'll probably repeat to you the whole lecture. Actually, i'll probably see you before you read this comment.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-19 03:30 pm (UTC)ואני מבינה ללבך, גם אני מרגישה לבד (למרות שהיו לי כמה מערכות יחסים). ואני לבד רוב הזמן בבית (זה מעצבן כאשר קר בחורף :) ) בכל מקרה אני אשמח לדבר איתך על זה בפורום יותר פרטי.