My adventure might be ending soon - or, How Tami is a pussy

[tamara_russo]

I'm in Haifa and wanting so bad to go home. The past few days weren't good, and the thoughts in my head are spinning into places I didn't really think they would at this point.

Here's what's going on.

Middle of last week I got a call from HR Europe saying they won't have any work for me in the foreseeable future in drilling fluids in Israel so would I mind moving to Wireline? [wireline is the department the guys who were accepted with me are on].

So I said yes, and after getting better from the stress/sickness I got here on Saturday evening. I didn't know what wireline means, but I thought at least I'd have something to do.

And then on Saturday I was sitting in the train station and crying and crying and didn't get why.

The thing is, when I was accepted here I was really looking forward to this adventure. Going abroad, meeting new people, doing something which will give my career a big boost.

And all of a sudden I'm sitting in the train station and crying.

And maybe that's the biggest problem here, and all the other stuff is just excess justification, or maybe I just felt what is right before realizing the logical explanations.

I'm sitting here, wearing a (yet again) too big a coverall, feeling like this is so not my thing. I'm not the person to walk around in coveralls, I have a problem with lifting these big pieces of equipment (I still feel my back being not so nice about yesterday's work), I have a nasty boss, and, according to the Israeli guys here (who were the only two people who sat next to me in lunch and didn't have their heads stuck in their phones) I will get no actual engineering experience from this job. I'll be a well paid technician and a well paid labor worker (yeah, manual labor I can't really do) but that's it.

But this is not what's making me cry.

What's making me cry is the fact that I know that until I quit this job (be it at the end of this month or in five years) I will not be around the people I love, and that trumps out any fucking adventure.

So yes - I'm weak. I get away from home for a day and a half and I'm already a crying mess - but maybe that's just who I am.

Maybe I just care more about being in a loving environment more than I care about this career.

And, oh my god, I sound like a baby, but peeing in these coveralls is hell. And the Fridays aren't mine, I feel like I'm in the army. Seems like I haven't changed that much...

And I'm super cold in this fucking workshop.

It all comes down to the fact, that the longer I look at this the more it seems like this is not the kind of work environment I want.

More later.

Comments

[hagar_972]

* That the out-of-home environment is not at all like going on vacation is something you were aware of, up to and including that you can't tell how it'll be until you're there. You weren't actually tested on this yet,

* I think the weeks of sitting at home messed you up and wore you down far more than travel would've. That you're presently in physical pain doesn't help. That you also need to deal with new and unfriendly people doesn't help either. Breathe. These are bad conditions for making decisions or even impressions. It has nothing to do with you being a pussy or weak or whatever. It's just shit that fucks people up. Breathe, and don't take anything you're thinking or feeling right now too seriously.

* Sometimes I'd like to point out on the issue of what those two guys said at lunch: are they on the same track as you? Because if not, then they don't actually know.

* That said, neither definition of wireline I can find on Wikipedia looks like fun, and I'm also kind of horrified and annoyed with the HR management of your company. WTF is wrong with them?

* But putting stock in anything that one thinks when one is in pain and alone is still not a good strategy.

* And when possible, you and I are going to have a Talk about how to manage physically-intense environments, and which sorts of pain are okay and which means going to your boss and telling him that the company won't want to have legal responsibility for the consequences of this.

[tamara_russo]

See, the thing is, it seems like the entire drilling fluids department is closing. That's really annoying because I hoped I might get back to that somehow. I was really looking forward to the work of drilling fluids, and the wireline thing is... No where to my taste. There seems to be nothing else, as well, since I asked.

Also, got to talk to the guys who were accepted with me, and they're less than happy.

And, y'know, I didn't really expect a vacation. Still.

Anyway.

[hagar_972]

Yes, okay, that sounds different. And it sucks, and did I mention that your company is acting so stupid I'm not sure how they're a big company?

(But taking seriously anything one thinks when one is cold and alone and in pain is still not recommended practice.)

[tamara_russo]

(But taking seriously anything one thinks when one is cold and alone and in pain is still not recommended practice.)

Yes, well, obviously, and I'm not handing in my notice today, but I'm thinking about this.

[sailorsol]

Bigger companies actually get away with that shit more than smaller companies. Which is why I prefer small to mid sized.

If you speak French, my company is hiring in Belgium....

[tamara_russo]

Well, thanks for the offer, but I don't speak french, and if I do quit I'm going to look for something around Tel Aviv... :)