tamara_russo: (x)
The job interview at HP on Sunday? Went extremely well. Got called for a second interview on the day after, and the placement agency called on Tuesday to schedule a test they wanted to conduct before we can move forward...

Only I got a call yesterday that the process was put on hold by the company, and a call to the woman who interviewed me confirmed that they're moving forward with a former candidate. Strike 1.

There's a guy at school I like, so I talked to him about going together to the food festival they're having today in Tel Aviv. Just heard back from him that he won't come (he said he'd pass). Strike 2.

Yup. The well looks mighty dark from down here.
tamara_russo: (x)
A few weeks ago we had a work party (it wasn't at work - it was at a colleague's house), and most of us who are under a certain age came, some brought their partners. I decided, since I wanted to drink, to grab a ride with Y (a guy I had a crush on up until some time ago) and M (who is a good friend of mine). On the way back I figured I'd have him drive me back or I'd grab a cab if it gets too late for me.

I did drink, a few glasses of wine, and I was nice and tipsy, but not in any way not coherent, just... Giggly. If you've ever seen me drink, you know how it looks.

Anyway. I was sitting on the sofa dozing a bit when M came and sat next to me, looked at me and said that N was leaving and if I wanted a ride home. I told her that no, I'll just grab a cab in a while. She asked me again and I replied, again, that I didn't want to go with him.

So she went and asked him herself.

Which drove me crazy.

I made one last attempt to not leave with him, but in the end, after all the joy was drained from the party for me, I went and grabbed my coat and had him drop me off at home.

I can't even begin to describe how unbelievably angry I was. The first and foremost reason was that I SPECIFICALLY told her what I didn't want to do. I wasn't even close to being really drunk, I was very coherent and very clear, and she disregarded me without a thought. It was like my opinion doesn't matter, or like I'm a five-year-old who can't make her own decisions. I also felt like she was brushing me off which felt horrible, and to top it off she sent me off with a driver I had no idea how good of a driver he is (trust me, with my knowledge now I will never choose to have him drive me anywhere).

And she doesn't get it. She doesn't seem to understand you don't grab someone else's autonomy and decision-making from their hands just because you seem to be under the notion you're making a good decision for them. Even if that were true (and it wasn't), you still don't get to make that decision.

I've been giving her the cold shoulder in the past few weeks, as well as to Y (in his case, it's more of a self-preservation thing - I'm detoxing him from my system, and since the mental distance is working as the process, I'm going along with it), and she made no attempt to even ask me or try and talk about it. This is from a person who used to say she loved me almost every fucking day, yes?

I'm sure they talked about it amongst themselves, and I have a feeling Y told her that I'm being impossible and that I need to find a way down from the tree I climbed up on, but, really? We've had a few arguments in the past, and if I made a mistake (even if I didn't believe I had), I apologized to her. Even if you think I'm being impossible, why, if you claim to love me so much, won't you ask me about it?

But this is, I believe the last straw - there were a few things she told me (mostly about how to "Change myself so I would attract more men") which lead me to believe she has no grasp of what a person's autonomy means.

I'm so angry and disappointed with her. So so much. I also fell like an outsider at work at times, which is shitty, since my boss got fired and we can now all celebrate together. I don't know if things will change, I don't believe I'll ever look at her or treat her same as before.

Even with the pain, I also understand now exactly who I'm dealing with, and i know I'll never be able to really trust her.

But. It. Hurts.

[And a side note - this whole story and yesterday's shopping spree with Shiri and Opher made me realize that even though I may be somewhat comfortable in the mainstream with people who are very conservative in thought, I don't belong there - I have a family who loves me and accepts me, who supports me and love me, truly, without hesitation or thought, and I know they will never try to change me against my will, and that is my home. Thank you guys, for being my un-blooded family. I can't express how much I love you - Hagar, Netalie, Shiri, Opher and Gilli]
tamara_russo: (Default)
Did manage to rest this weekend, even though I had some plans.

Thursday I had the car so I used the mobility to go see Opher and Shiri. We had dinner together and a round of Dominion, and a whole lot of talking and fancying the cats.

Friday morning I got up really late, and then my mom recruited me to go do some shopping with her, and by the time we were finished with the fruit and vegetables, bakery, supermarket and a trip to my grandma's to drop some of the stuff off it was already after 13:00. On the other hand, I did get tons of stuff, so now the house is full of food I like. My dad made a face that we didn't get him anything, but as I've told him, we can't read his mind and if he wants something he needs to ask for it or come with us. Didn't stop him sulking, though.

Caught up with TV shows that afternoon and read a bit (I'm getting through the second half of the Harry Potter series again), and watched "Billy Eliot" with my parents again. This week's episode of "The Americans" was incredible, with one of the best scenes I've ever seen on television.

Today was my cousin's sons' birthday party, and since they fall asleep quite early in the afternoon my aunt invited us for 11:30. We weren't there by 11:30, but it was still very early when we got there and when we left. There was tons of food and I took pictures, but the light was unfavorable, so I hope they turned out all right.

Spent the last few hours reading and listening to music and pondering how the hell can I actually get my own apartment (which happens once in a while when my mom annoys me too much).

This week will be very hard, since next week on Monday is the annual quality exam. I can't wait for that to be over. Thankfully, that week we have our trip to Barcelona, which will give me time to rest and unwind for a bit.
tamara_russo: (dust/dark)
So yesterday morning I was still semi-fine, even though the cough has taken a turn for the worse, and I decided I didn't need the stink-eye from my boss, so I braved the weather, which was truly horrible, and went to work.

After being somewhat productive for a few hours, I finally realized that the headache, coughing and breathing difficulty were not going away, so I called it quits, and packed up to go home. The walk to the bus station was... interesting, since by then it was cold, windy and SUPER FUCKING DUSTY, but I made it and also made it home pretty fine. I did, however, crashed right on the sofa the moment I made it home, and didn't get up until my mom came back. By then I was positive I was running a fever, because I was shaking like hell and my fingernails were blue.

My mom made me something to eat and some tea and I drifted in and out of sleep for the entire afternoon on the sofa, with a different array of cats on different parts of me (Truffle really wanted to sit on my chest and she also cuddled next to me, and Dolce and Ginger both took turns on my legs and sometimes the sides of my feet). My fever went up and then down, so I was cold and hot on intervals. Super fun times, I can tell you that. I did watch some TV with my parents, and went to sleep. Fortunately, the cough is a bit subdued, so I was able to fall asleep quite quickly.

I woke up without a fever today but the headache is still here (no doubt due to the coughing, stuffy nose and weather), and food tasted bad, so I don't know. But I can sit upright, which must be an improvement.

*~*

Other things:

I haven't really written in a while, even though I've had plenty to write about. It was, what, two weeks ago H. and I went to the Idan Haviv concert? Which was great, but it marked the beginning of one of my busiest weekends EVER.

It was a beautiful Friday, that one after the concert (maybe I'll actually be able to post pictures from the concert today), but it was full to the brim - work, drive up to KY with H., photography session with her and the pup, and game night at Opher and Shiri's.

Saturday was packing H's apartment, and that was long, hard and tiring, and also included a drive up to her parents' at KY, unpacking and keeping the pup busy while her mom got everything out of the way and into the wardrobe. I only made it home on 22:00 that day, and the fatigue and exhaustion dragged with me for the better part of last week. I only shook it off in the weekend, when I was able to actually sleep.

I had a deal with myself to not leave the house last weekend, but obviously it didn't work. Met Netalie for brunch Friday morning, and we proceeded to walk around TA, and I drove to Visit H. that afternoon. I also managed to squeeze in a visit to my grandma and was planning on going to see a movie but the one I wanted to watch had no more tickets, so I passed. Saturday was mostly quiet, but we did go out to lunch at Brasserie.

This week was fine until yesterday. The cough was getting better and I went to do some serious shopping Tuesday. Sale season, so I got two pairs of shoes, three bras, four long-sleeved shirts and tons of cosmetics. The shirts and shoes were half off, but since my shoes are extremely expensive, I still payed an arm and a leg for them. The bras are always expensive, unfortunately.

I was lucky with the cosmetics, though. I ran into a salesperson (a guy!) who actually knew what he was doing. I knew I needed refills for at least three items, and I also got a night cream. He gave me tons of tips on usage, and when I got home and tried some, and thanked him silently. He also gave me loads of tiny stuff for travel, which is always fun.

I think I'll go see if there's anything fun to watch on TV, and if not try and be productive with easy things, like the photographs or even catching up on my own shows ("Banshee" really bummed me out last week, and I'm super behind on everything, from "Person of Interest" to "The Americans")

Autumn

Aug. 29th, 2014 09:07 am
tamara_russo: (Sleeps with butterflies)
You can't mistake it. Autumn is here.

We might still get hot days (well, there's not question about it), but the change has already began, and the end of the year is rolling in.

Yesterday, for the first time in months, I walked into my room and opened the window, instead of turning the AC on. The sun was already gone, and the very new moon was narrow and bright right in front of me.

And I felt it. How the end comes, how the fresh beautiful beginning also approaches.

I can't explain it, only describe it.

And this morning it's still there, the open window, the tiny breeze, fall breeze, and my immense will to bake something that will make the house smell sweet and warm and fresh and tasty.

I had a difficult week, but yesterday was a complete opposite. I guess I was feeling this change coming, and I knew it was signaling something good that's about to come.

*~*

I stood in front of the mirror this morning, and a huge smile just sprouted on my face. It's this feeling, lingering, and also.

Also, so much happiness for my friends.

I can't even begin to describe how I feel when I think of all these awesome people I love, and how my life is better now than it was ten years ago (not to mention 15 years ago).

[No guys, I didn't mix my meds this morning. I'm just happy, and I want to celebrate this wonderful feeling, and share it with you.]

*~*

I think I know what I'm going to do next week.
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
The problem with my camera is my lack of lenses. I ordered our Maya Isacovitz tickets a few hours too late, and we sat at the gallery, and so I could only take photos from afar.

Still, the color rendition and quality of the photos make my old Olympus camera look like a toy.

I would still like to have one of the tele-photo lenses with me (and a few others, but that's another matter...).

But anyway.

Here be pics. )
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
BEST. BIRTHDAY PARTY. EVER.

Preparations )

The actual party )

I also got very drunk from the booze, which was really great. I usually have to drive, so I never allow myself to drink so much. Also - 30 year old Tequila. Brilliant. I was giggly as all hell, and didn't become sleepy! It seems my body handles Tequila much better than it does beer.

After the last game I opened the presents (got a handful of art books, a novel, a baking pan for brownies, some towels and a great kit of L'Occitane) and then we all got all the remains of the food and stuff back to the apartment.

In between I got a text from H's mom to ask if she left yet... Seems like my mom isn't the only one who does that with kids over 24...

Went to bed after 2:00 and got up this morning at 10:00. No headache and no nausea.

SO MUCH FUN.
tamara_russo: (Chikkinz!)
But in my defence, there were loads of photos.

In other words, here are the photos from the Purim party!

Loads of pics! No particular order... )
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
The advantages of having a stressful job:

Friday morning at 6:30, My asshole of a brain wakes me up.

My body: "Grumble. More sleep"

My Brain: "Hey, wake the fuck up! You have to think about all the things that stress you out at work! Like reports you have to write, and the quality and tutorials and your boss and the other annoying a-hole, and being annoyed about not being appreciated!!! WAKE UP!!!!"

My body: "Grumble. Shut up brain More sleep!"

My Brain: "Hey, W A K E - U P !"

So I said Fuck it and got up, and it's 9:00 in the morning and I already had a great breakfast and went to the post office to get the package from [personal profile] sailorsol (which is AWESOME), and it's such a beautiful day outside. I'm going to steal my mom for a morning out at the Flea Market area in Jaffa as well, and then I'll have exactly the morning I want.
So yes, having a stressful job DOES have some advantages.

(Psted this on FB as well. Maybe I should always post on both places)

Update

Mar. 22nd, 2014 10:30 am
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
Sickness is slowly dissipating. I'm still coughing and my throat is making little noises of soar, and my nose runs, but the worst is, I think, behind me.

I was at work Thursday and also yesterday, because really, I couldn't leave everything hanging like I did. With some hard work, help from people at the branch and, unfortunately, taking some work home both Thursday and yesterday, I think we'll be OK for the ISO test on Monday.

Adding another layer of stress, my parents are going on a trip to Berlin tomorrow (My dad taught my mom's best friend's son Math so he could finally finish high school - he's 25 - and so my mom's best friend decided they deserve a vacation and bought them tickets and hotel stay for five days). Not that I don't think they deserve it, my parents work very hard, but the timing sucks big time, since the house is left empty with only me with the animals.

Emma will come and feed the street cats mornings and evenings but she has two evening she can't come so I will have to do it. Udi is taking Bono with him to Be'er Sheva and I'm left with Bisi, and hopefully he won't pee in the living room more than, say, five times during this time period.

The dog's food need to be prepared and distributed (he eats schnitzels - he eats better than I do, dammit), the cats have to be looked after as well, I need to arrange my food for the five days, and work in between and take care of the house and maybe go see my grandma once in a while...

Yeah, the upcoming week is going to be tough.

On the other hand, the party last night was great, full of great people. I might not have gone if I hadn't volunteered to pick a couple of Didi and Eli's friends on my way, having that I'm still not a 100%, but I'm glad I went. I had fun.

...and now on to root cause searches.
tamara_russo: (Talking about love)
It was maybe a month ago - I was driving home from my grandma - I haven't been there in a while now - and then.

Laila Lo Shaket [Unquiet Night - Shlomo Artzi] came on, and somehow it hit me harder, and when it ended Ein Po Makom [No place - Idan Chaviv] came on and I had to slow down because I couldn't see well through the tears.

And yesterday we went to see Idan Chaviv at the Zapa.

... and as it turns out, I took 600 photos. I need to sift through and see if any come up o scratch (we sat a bit far from the stage, and I still haven't procured a tele lens for the Fuji.
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
I knew I was about to head out on Friday morning so I got up early and managed to leave the house at 9:45 (which is early for a Friday). The plan was head to the Frau Blau sale (they're a couple of Israeli-Russian designers who make wonderful colorful clothes who fit me quite well), to go get my latest 120 film developed and walk around TA photographing. I gave myself the challenge of taking only monochrome photos, which was really fun and challenging (photos to come).

Made it to Frau Blau and left after 15 minutes with three new shirts - very colorful, very flattering, the nicest fabrics, but two of them will not fit work - just too colorful and open. Great for the weekend, though.

Took off on foot and headed down Alenbi street and went through Nachlat Binyamin (which made for some lovely photos). I still need to get the hang of the fuji's auto focus, I think it's a bit slow, but then again I've heard it's one of its problems, so it might be just that.

Gave my film to be developed (very few places who develop 120 film) and headed to Shenkin street for a fruit shake. Watermelon and banana is a great combo. SAt on a bench for a while, drinking my shake and reading "Four to Score" (Stephanie Plum novel) on my kindle and then went home. I was lucky to have the bus arrive right when I got to the station and to have a place to sit (not an easy thing at this place at this time on a Friday).

My parents took my grandma to my grandpa's grave so I made myself lunch (asian-marinated tofu with broccoli and rice) and waited for my mom to come so we'll go to the Accessories Market.

The Accessories Market was nice as always, lots of designers we know (my mom spends half the time there talking to the designers). I got a new necklace and a hat and my mom bought a new bag from her favorite designer Belinky.

We were back home just in time for me to catch a movie I love on TV (Shlomi's Stars, one of the only Israeli movies I really love) and then I headed to Ofer and Shiri's.

The evening was lots of fun, with great games and great people, and after dinner, when the second round of games was starting I excused myself and took everybody's photos (again, only monochrome), which was a great decision, since if I would have played we would have had very few photos and this way I caught everyone on film. And here was the great thing about the fuji - ISO 4000-6400, and not an eyelash batted by it, so i could catch the action without having everything blurry as hell.

So now on to uploading photos and then maybe a bit of "Orphan Black".
tamara_russo: (home)
And not just. Daddy's girl, and brother and sister's girl, and aunt and uncle and cousins' girl, and best friend's girl, and other best friend's, and other friends' girl, and Tel Aviv girl, home girl, Israel girl, Hebrew girl, Girls' girl, clothes' girl.

At the beginning of the week I felt like this job isn't right for me but I couldn't tell why. I think I know now - I think I simply ignored everything I am, everything that defines me when I took this job. I was so happy and excited and I disregarded all the not-so-great things that came along with it, even though they nudged me even then. And that was what came back to bite me in the ass this week.

I don't belong in a kind of work that takes me away from everything I love, from everyone I love. I don't belong in a kind of work where I'm surrounded by men from all around the world who tell sexist jokes and announce that "You'll not go offshore with a pink suitcase", I don't belong in a line of work that has physical labor that I just can't handle (I'm just not strong enough).

Most of all, I don't belong in a kind of work that will mean I will be gone for the next few years, with very little time off.

[No, this isn't a rationalization, and I'm not ashamed of my decision - I needed to say this and I needed it to be written and organized]

*~*

The pink suitcase comment was half funny, half annoying. The commenter, Paul, deserves some slack for he was my mentor for the last few days and I can say he's really great.

*~*

A few political discussions, some talk of vegetarianism, spending a lunch trying to calm myself down from a baboon talking fucking nonsense (Israeli baboon), being in the room and having no one swear because of it (if they only knew), one car ride with a very drunk still, very sleeping, very snoring guy behind me, the fumes coming off of everybody's mouths today (I swear, stick a wick in their mouths and they'd burn for a week), too much sushi, too many train rides...

And thank god for my phone - I watched 5 TV shows on it, been super updated all the time and it gave me a whole lot of "passing the time".

That was my week. It wasn't all bad.

*~*

I called AS on Tuesday (AS was the one who hired me in M. Gold, the company I was at until August). He works at the Standard Institution now and I thought "well, it's a long shot, but maybe he needs someone", so I'm going to see him tomorrow and talk about options.

But even if it fails, I will be back on Monday to tell them I'm leaving. I'd be so much more relieved once I do that.

(I'm home free)
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
Two rounds at the Accessories Market resulted in:

* Two bags, from "Clemantina". One of which I've been drooling over for some time now - turquoise - and the other is small evening one in black (as weird as it seems, I haven't one in black - I like color too much). She also threw in a small make up case with the purchase, which makes her extra awesome.

I've a thing for Israeli designers - not only the designs are good to great at most cases, but the quality of the things is that much better than the stuff made in China (like most of the stuff found in big chain stores) and you can find anything that fits - for me it also means great bags not made out of leather. I can't even begin to describe how frustrating it can be trying to find a good bag not made out of leather outside this country, unless you go straight for the Kipling-Mandarina Duck-Stella McCartney trio, and those can be pricey as hell.

[I saw a wonderful bag by SM when I was in New York, but it was before the time I could afford one...Well, I don't know if I can afford one now... *check* Nope, not yet.]

I've known the designer for some time now, but it's the first time I've bought something for myself - Both Netalie and Danielle got bags from her. Which also made the buy extra fun.

* Pair of earrings made out of some plastic strip rolled into itself, from the same designer I bought my groovy necklace from last time (the earrings match, but the two put together are too much, so I'll either go with one or the other).

Again, I really like the designer, and we spent some time talking both last time and this one, and her designs are special, not just pretty, and the fit me perfectly (I get a ton of compliments with her necklace). Who other than an Israeli designer would roll plastic strips into jewelery, I ask you?

* Small hair comb with flowers on it. This one was just plain sweet. I don't have any hair ornaments, but this one was just sweet and it looked great.

* A gold and basalt necklace, which was the most expensive of the lot but it's gorgeous and delicate, and fits right into my skin tone and will work well with all my necklines for work (and for the elegant type of evens).

It's been 5 years, I think, since the Market started. I've been going from the very beginning, and part of the fun for me (and my mom, who goes with me almost every time) is talking to the designers - some of them already know us well. I always go at least twice, having so many people to go with, and I always seem to manage buying great stuff.

Until the next time.
tamara_russo: (bitch)
Had a very productive day. I went out to get my hair cut (looks all 20's now, love it to bits) and on the way back I dropped off my new pants at the seamstress for hem shortening (yes, more clothes... But those are the last few! I swear, oh mighty bank account! And I won't go back to Honigman for that GORGEOUS red coat...).

When I got home I went through my room for junk and hanged the laundry, got through one of the e-courses for work and I'm in the middle of (finally) organizing the pictures from Paris (even though I think I'm going to postpone the last bits for tomorrow, it's extremely annoying combining pictures from three different camera).

...and I think I'll go have dinner. I'm meeting Abigail tomorrow for a bit of shopping (for her! For her!), Thursday morning is reserved for Danielle and Friday morning I'm meeting Muna in TA.

Busy week (had breakfast with Lilach yesterday as well). Fun!

(And the best fun is not working and getting paid fully...)

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