tamara_russo: (Default)
I've never been able to put a good book back. That's maybe the first thing you have to know about me.

The rest is under here )

Friends )
tamara_russo: (x)
The job interview at HP on Sunday? Went extremely well. Got called for a second interview on the day after, and the placement agency called on Tuesday to schedule a test they wanted to conduct before we can move forward...

Only I got a call yesterday that the process was put on hold by the company, and a call to the woman who interviewed me confirmed that they're moving forward with a former candidate. Strike 1.

There's a guy at school I like, so I talked to him about going together to the food festival they're having today in Tel Aviv. Just heard back from him that he won't come (he said he'd pass). Strike 2.

Yup. The well looks mighty dark from down here.
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
Oh, lookie, The 100 is gonna have another season of crushing our hearts to a pulp.

Lovely.

JUST GO.

Mar. 10th, 2016 10:47 pm
tamara_russo: (dust/dark)
You don't interest them. That just the way it is now. It sucks, and you hate feeling like this, but you don't have to torture yourself. This is not the worst thing that ever happened to you. Far from it. You'll survive this like you survived everything else.

But gone are the days you had to stay in a place where you felt like a fish out of water. You're an adult, and you make your own decisions. Just go.

JUST GO.

Which is EXACTLY what I'm going to do in about ten minutes.
tamara_russo: (x)
A few weeks ago we had a work party (it wasn't at work - it was at a colleague's house), and most of us who are under a certain age came, some brought their partners. I decided, since I wanted to drink, to grab a ride with Y (a guy I had a crush on up until some time ago) and M (who is a good friend of mine). On the way back I figured I'd have him drive me back or I'd grab a cab if it gets too late for me.

I did drink, a few glasses of wine, and I was nice and tipsy, but not in any way not coherent, just... Giggly. If you've ever seen me drink, you know how it looks.

Anyway. I was sitting on the sofa dozing a bit when M came and sat next to me, looked at me and said that N was leaving and if I wanted a ride home. I told her that no, I'll just grab a cab in a while. She asked me again and I replied, again, that I didn't want to go with him.

So she went and asked him herself.

Which drove me crazy.

I made one last attempt to not leave with him, but in the end, after all the joy was drained from the party for me, I went and grabbed my coat and had him drop me off at home.

I can't even begin to describe how unbelievably angry I was. The first and foremost reason was that I SPECIFICALLY told her what I didn't want to do. I wasn't even close to being really drunk, I was very coherent and very clear, and she disregarded me without a thought. It was like my opinion doesn't matter, or like I'm a five-year-old who can't make her own decisions. I also felt like she was brushing me off which felt horrible, and to top it off she sent me off with a driver I had no idea how good of a driver he is (trust me, with my knowledge now I will never choose to have him drive me anywhere).

And she doesn't get it. She doesn't seem to understand you don't grab someone else's autonomy and decision-making from their hands just because you seem to be under the notion you're making a good decision for them. Even if that were true (and it wasn't), you still don't get to make that decision.

I've been giving her the cold shoulder in the past few weeks, as well as to Y (in his case, it's more of a self-preservation thing - I'm detoxing him from my system, and since the mental distance is working as the process, I'm going along with it), and she made no attempt to even ask me or try and talk about it. This is from a person who used to say she loved me almost every fucking day, yes?

I'm sure they talked about it amongst themselves, and I have a feeling Y told her that I'm being impossible and that I need to find a way down from the tree I climbed up on, but, really? We've had a few arguments in the past, and if I made a mistake (even if I didn't believe I had), I apologized to her. Even if you think I'm being impossible, why, if you claim to love me so much, won't you ask me about it?

But this is, I believe the last straw - there were a few things she told me (mostly about how to "Change myself so I would attract more men") which lead me to believe she has no grasp of what a person's autonomy means.

I'm so angry and disappointed with her. So so much. I also fell like an outsider at work at times, which is shitty, since my boss got fired and we can now all celebrate together. I don't know if things will change, I don't believe I'll ever look at her or treat her same as before.

Even with the pain, I also understand now exactly who I'm dealing with, and i know I'll never be able to really trust her.

But. It. Hurts.

[And a side note - this whole story and yesterday's shopping spree with Shiri and Opher made me realize that even though I may be somewhat comfortable in the mainstream with people who are very conservative in thought, I don't belong there - I have a family who loves me and accepts me, who supports me and love me, truly, without hesitation or thought, and I know they will never try to change me against my will, and that is my home. Thank you guys, for being my un-blooded family. I can't express how much I love you - Hagar, Netalie, Shiri, Opher and Gilli]
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
Love will not
End, even if
Your love
Is Gone.

What was done,
Said,
left -
All will remain.

Forever.

What love
Changed in you.
Sweet rhythms,
Harmonies,
Gentle music.

All will remain.

The roots will
Not be upturned.
The touch will
Linger.

Soft smell and
Sound.

All will remain.

Loss
OF
Love
Will only add the sorrow.

One more circle
Added.

All that you
Are
That is because you
Loved.

Will remain.
tamara_russo: (Chikkinz!)
I wasn't planning on buying clothes. I really wasn't. But I did.

Golbary has great stuff, and I really enjoy going there. The Azrieli branch has the sweetest saleswomen, otherwise I would have never left the store with all the loot i got. Never mind. They're good cloths for the upcoming automn and winter.

I also got Netalie's birthday gift, a new pair of gloves (with patches for touch-screen!), new nike snickers (mine are half dead already) and a climbing-up-the-stairs shopping cart for my mom.

Ahem. I also ordered a car on Tuesday (whaaaaaaaaat).

[side note - new semester this week, with three classes. I got top grades on last semester's classes, which were just to complete certain subjects, but I'm very pleased - makes me that much more confident for the actual degree].
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
Is just an excuse, I think. The thing is, most of my friends are on FB, and this place just became my update for very few people.

So this is a short update.

I'm working like crazy. Work is... annoying on so many days. There are too many things building up for me to try and find something else, and I believe that once the holidays pass, I'll dedicate some time for that. Unless something radical happens, I don't believe I'll stay there for a much longer (even though I keep saying that once in a while).

I'm going to Berlin with mom on Saturday, for 6 days. 6days of shopping, museums, and some peace and quiet from my boss. I'll be coming back to the usual mess.

School is fine. Went through one exam, and I have another tomorrow. The last ine is the Thursday after next, and then a week later the new semester starts. I still have no idea how it'll look, because I can't register until I have all of the summer classes' grades.

I very much need to go ahead and buy a car before semester starts, hopefully I'll get to that once I'm back home.

There is also the apartment buying issue, which now, that my mom's little health scare has passed (she has a lump in the side of her neck. We were worried it was cancer for a while but it's just an unsubstential infection, fortunately), we can start rolling again.

I also watched the first season of "The Legend of Korra" during Yom Kippur, which started kinda Meh, but went ahead and became good enough to captivate me. I'll download the lot and take it with me to Berlin, to watch on dead moments. I also need to shake my mom off for a bit while we're there, if I want to visit the Hamburger Bahnhoff and obtain certain, ahem, UNMENTIONABLE items. I need to see how THAT will work out.

There's somethiong else, but I'm still waiting to see how that whole thing is going to develop, and I don't want to get my hopes up (even though they're up). It's better then it's not, but can end in a very destructive way, but fuck it. It's done me more good than I've had in years.
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
Five seasons in 3 weeks (Whaaaaaat).

First there was "Daredevil". Then, "12 monkeys". Then the new season (and only recurring show in this list) of "Orange is the New Black" and withing days "Catastrophe" and "Younger".

Phew.

Well, to be honest, I still haven't finished "Younger", but it's a matter of a day or two. I simply can't remember when was it that I found two (!!!) comedies I love in such close succession. Probably only when I was a kid with "Married with children" and all of those 90's comedies.

Anyway.

So Both "Catastrophe" and "Younger" are really good for me, and light and sweet enough to not make me want to slit my wrists like other comedies, or, y'know, "Rectify", and I'll be moving to something light as well when I finish this one (Probably "UnReal").

And now back to work.
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
So here is my 2 cents on "Inside Out"

Spoilers, obviously )

All great stories are just a mirror, and this one isn't any different. If you haven't seen it, go. Just bring tissues.
tamara_russo: (short temper)
Me [talking to my mom]: "So Thursday night is Tel Aviv's white night. I'm gonna go hang."
Her: "You're gonna go for a long time? I can come for some of the night with you."
Me: "Nah, you always bring me down and make faces about the whole thing. I'll just go alone."
Her: "I don't make faces! And I don't like you to go alone."
Me: "I'm 32, mom. I can go alone, and this way I can do what I want."
Her: "I really don't like you to go alone. What about Michali?"
Me: "She's pregnant, mom. Besides, I just want to go alone."

Michali called a while after and she told my mom she's going to White Night, so my mom shouts out to me "Hey! You can go together!"

And I was like what part of "want-to-go-alone-you-don't-get-to-make-this-choice-for-me" don't you fucking get?!?!?

And now I'm so fucking stuck with this hole she dug me into, and I'm fucking seething here and I know she had good intentions, but for the love of fuck, will you PLEASE stop treating me like a fucking five-year-old and realize this WASN'T YOUR FUCKING DECISION TO MAKE.

TV post

Jun. 17th, 2015 08:47 am
tamara_russo: (Default)
Finished the first season of "Daredevil" (I gotta say, I truly hate his "official" costume. I prefer the black clothes). Loved it - and most definitely will watch the next season. It's a fun show with good writing and acting, so really nice.

Watched the first two episodes of season 3 of "Orange is the New Black". I have it translated on VOD for free, so I needn't bother with downloading or streaming.

Also went through the first episode of "12 Monkeys". Another fun show, but I'm not sure about it. I'll make up my mind in a few episodes.

There are still things I'm quite behind on, like the last episode of "Orphan Black" and the entire second half of "Outlander", not to mention I really want to watch "Fargo", "Penny Dreadful", "Hindsight", "Younger" and so many more (I can't remember everything).

If I download the seasons it's easier for me to watch, for some reason. The new screen also makes it nicer looking, so the streaming is a bit bumming in terms of video quality.

And the good thing about riding to work on the bus is that I have time to watch it on my phone (with the kick-ass thumb drive which connects to it).
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
The thing about a full life, is that things that matter less gets hold up, so I hardly write anymore. All my thoughts and photography go on FB, and not here, but this weekend deserves a mention.

There was also Book week last week on Tuesday. Only got three books for myself, and a few more as presents. Got through one of them already (Paper Towns- John Green).

Thursday )

Friday )

Spent Friday afternoon with Marvel's Daredevil, which turned out to be really fun and good television. I'm almost at the end of the season and will most likely finish it today or tomorrow.

Saturday )

I had a great weekend. I've got a busy week ahead of me. I guess I'll write when I can.
tamara_russo: (F is for Flight)
I was supposed to meet Shiri for shopping yesterday, but it didn't work out at the end - but i still had the car and some free time, and my boss went back to being the little bitch he is so I up and went at 16:00 and went to check out the second floor of Ayalon mall. The did a very nice job with it, it's quite large and the ceiling is incredibly tall, and the shops are very nice.

Went into Desigual, but didn't try anything on (I would have bought half the shop, and I don't need the clothes or the hole in my bank account it would have made). I'm really happy they brought it here, though.

Got myself a nice little outing pouch, for small change and one or two cards if I want to take a very small bag when I go out and also a new dress for the Seder night (shocking pink, knee length, V-neck, some scrunches at the front, just the way I like them - and it was only 200 NIS).

I still had energy after having dinner there so I braved the drive and the mess I knew would greet me, an headed to Ikea at Rishon.

I had a few things in mind for that, and I was able to get some of them, but a bed and a folding table will have to be from somewhere else. I also took a look at their new lines of bookcases and I don't think i'll have a problem come the time I'll get my own place (hopefully that day isn't far. I'm starting to feel the need).

I ended up with a shelf + hooks for my room (my room has no more storage space - I have tons of stuff - so I looked at my ever-closed-window and went "hmmmm. I could put a shelf with hooks above that!"), a few more small shelves for stacking books next to my bed, some new big boxes, coat hangers and a side table for our living room (the last one was unceremoniously trashed because it was peed on by the late monster that was Bisi, and since it was made of cardboard it drank up all the piss...).

My only problem was getting the things to the car. Luckily, they have staff members who stand in the loading area, so I let one of them look after my cart while I went to fetch the car.

Got everything in and drove off feeling accomplished and full of adrenalin. I actually built the side table upon arriving at home (took me maybe 15 minutes) and sat down to watch a movie with my dad, which was a mistake since I planned on going to work today, the movie ended late and the daylight saving hour change was tonight.

Only dragged myself out of bed at 7, and got here a bit after 8. will only be here until 12:00, I think, and then off to enjoy this heat. I missed the sun.
tamara_russo: (Default)
Did manage to rest this weekend, even though I had some plans.

Thursday I had the car so I used the mobility to go see Opher and Shiri. We had dinner together and a round of Dominion, and a whole lot of talking and fancying the cats.

Friday morning I got up really late, and then my mom recruited me to go do some shopping with her, and by the time we were finished with the fruit and vegetables, bakery, supermarket and a trip to my grandma's to drop some of the stuff off it was already after 13:00. On the other hand, I did get tons of stuff, so now the house is full of food I like. My dad made a face that we didn't get him anything, but as I've told him, we can't read his mind and if he wants something he needs to ask for it or come with us. Didn't stop him sulking, though.

Caught up with TV shows that afternoon and read a bit (I'm getting through the second half of the Harry Potter series again), and watched "Billy Eliot" with my parents again. This week's episode of "The Americans" was incredible, with one of the best scenes I've ever seen on television.

Today was my cousin's sons' birthday party, and since they fall asleep quite early in the afternoon my aunt invited us for 11:30. We weren't there by 11:30, but it was still very early when we got there and when we left. There was tons of food and I took pictures, but the light was unfavorable, so I hope they turned out all right.

Spent the last few hours reading and listening to music and pondering how the hell can I actually get my own apartment (which happens once in a while when my mom annoys me too much).

This week will be very hard, since next week on Monday is the annual quality exam. I can't wait for that to be over. Thankfully, that week we have our trip to Barcelona, which will give me time to rest and unwind for a bit.

After work

Feb. 20th, 2015 02:01 pm
tamara_russo: (home)
Took off and went to the port. The market was only half open - the weather frightened everyone away, even though by the time i got there the sun was pretty much shining, even if it was quite cold and windy.

I also got a glimpse of the lower parts of the Yehuda mountains with their lovely snow when I came down from the University Hill. The rain had washed away all the smog and filth from the air, and the visibility was unbelievably good. It was gorgeous.

Got some cheeses and bread, strawberries and olives, and some Haman's ears at my favorite bakery, and had Herring sandwich at the car before heading home.

As it turns out, my mom also bought bread, but, as i told her, that's what happens when she doesn't answer my phone calls.

*~*

You know. I don't fell lonely these days. I pretty much reconciled with the realization I'll probably never have a partner, and I'm fine with that, most of the time. I just don't have time to feel bad about it anymore. I wake up so early, spend the bus rides and car rides listening to music, to talk shows, reading, surfing the internet. I spend all day in a very hectic environment surrounded by people and come home to my parents. I actually feel like I need some alone time during the week, and I take a few hours to do so - shopping, sitting in a cafe, going to see some silly movie.

But then, I was sitting at my car having that sandwich, and I was watching the couples going by, and they were all couples. There weren't many people alone, and most were obviously partners, and it just hit me, like it does sometimes, my aloneness.

Nothing to it, and it'll pass, but, sometimes, for short periods of time, this feeling fills me to the brim and I can't help feel the impact and how it crushes me.

*~*
tamara_russo: (Accio Brain)
Another Friday at work, for the overtime and work, but since I'm here alone I haven't done much until now.

Who gives a shit.

I'm listening to music and work on one certificate, and if I'll finish it it'll be great.

I was actually able to finish one of the books I got from Yediot (Schroder - by Amity Gaige) and liked it a lot. I hope I'll be able to read some more during the weekend. I still have four more books from them, not to mention *some* of my own...

The weather is cold and rainy, but not as stormy as I feared. If it would have been, I wouldn't have come here today.

Started a class this week, for Gmul (public workplaces have this thing, where if you have a few hundred hours of classes you get extra money in your paycheck). I need 400 hours for the first step and then 400 more for the second. This class is 100 hours, which is good, and talks about ISO 9001, which is better (since it's relevant to my job). It does kill my week, though, but I have to get through it in order to improve my monetary status. I still hope to get within three years and not four, and after that i can start getting the extra pay, and I really want to have all or most of the hours I need for it by that time.

So, on to work and i'll go home in an hour and a half.
tamara_russo: (x)
The headache is gone.

Coughing is also gon..., wait, what? Noooooo. Cough is HERE TO STAY.

It is also phlegmy and hurts my lungs and diapragm.

And my mom is now sick as well.

And we were supposed to go see a show tomorrow at the Zappa, but it won't happen.

Have I mentioned how much this SUCKS?
tamara_russo: (dust/dark)
So yesterday morning I was still semi-fine, even though the cough has taken a turn for the worse, and I decided I didn't need the stink-eye from my boss, so I braved the weather, which was truly horrible, and went to work.

After being somewhat productive for a few hours, I finally realized that the headache, coughing and breathing difficulty were not going away, so I called it quits, and packed up to go home. The walk to the bus station was... interesting, since by then it was cold, windy and SUPER FUCKING DUSTY, but I made it and also made it home pretty fine. I did, however, crashed right on the sofa the moment I made it home, and didn't get up until my mom came back. By then I was positive I was running a fever, because I was shaking like hell and my fingernails were blue.

My mom made me something to eat and some tea and I drifted in and out of sleep for the entire afternoon on the sofa, with a different array of cats on different parts of me (Truffle really wanted to sit on my chest and she also cuddled next to me, and Dolce and Ginger both took turns on my legs and sometimes the sides of my feet). My fever went up and then down, so I was cold and hot on intervals. Super fun times, I can tell you that. I did watch some TV with my parents, and went to sleep. Fortunately, the cough is a bit subdued, so I was able to fall asleep quite quickly.

I woke up without a fever today but the headache is still here (no doubt due to the coughing, stuffy nose and weather), and food tasted bad, so I don't know. But I can sit upright, which must be an improvement.

*~*

Other things:

I haven't really written in a while, even though I've had plenty to write about. It was, what, two weeks ago H. and I went to the Idan Haviv concert? Which was great, but it marked the beginning of one of my busiest weekends EVER.

It was a beautiful Friday, that one after the concert (maybe I'll actually be able to post pictures from the concert today), but it was full to the brim - work, drive up to KY with H., photography session with her and the pup, and game night at Opher and Shiri's.

Saturday was packing H's apartment, and that was long, hard and tiring, and also included a drive up to her parents' at KY, unpacking and keeping the pup busy while her mom got everything out of the way and into the wardrobe. I only made it home on 22:00 that day, and the fatigue and exhaustion dragged with me for the better part of last week. I only shook it off in the weekend, when I was able to actually sleep.

I had a deal with myself to not leave the house last weekend, but obviously it didn't work. Met Netalie for brunch Friday morning, and we proceeded to walk around TA, and I drove to Visit H. that afternoon. I also managed to squeeze in a visit to my grandma and was planning on going to see a movie but the one I wanted to watch had no more tickets, so I passed. Saturday was mostly quiet, but we did go out to lunch at Brasserie.

This week was fine until yesterday. The cough was getting better and I went to do some serious shopping Tuesday. Sale season, so I got two pairs of shoes, three bras, four long-sleeved shirts and tons of cosmetics. The shirts and shoes were half off, but since my shoes are extremely expensive, I still payed an arm and a leg for them. The bras are always expensive, unfortunately.

I was lucky with the cosmetics, though. I ran into a salesperson (a guy!) who actually knew what he was doing. I knew I needed refills for at least three items, and I also got a night cream. He gave me tons of tips on usage, and when I got home and tried some, and thanked him silently. He also gave me loads of tiny stuff for travel, which is always fun.

I think I'll go see if there's anything fun to watch on TV, and if not try and be productive with easy things, like the photographs or even catching up on my own shows ("Banshee" really bummed me out last week, and I'm super behind on everything, from "Person of Interest" to "The Americans")

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